Archives: April 2005
Sat Apr 30, 2005
SPRING BREAK
Taking the weekend off to make certain adjustments to over five hundred individual web pages. Back on Monday.
In the meantime, if you live in Macon, come visit THE PAN AFRICAN FESTIVAL today in Central City Park.
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Thu Apr 28, 2005
SOMETHING TO CHEW ON
If You Don't Mind A Few Splinters
If You Don't Mind A Few Splinters
911 WHERE ARE YOU? A very few days ago a number of our neighbor’s were canvassing the neighborhood looking for a AWOL pooch that appeared to have dug under its fence. We spread out, each armed with a leash and happy breath bones.
Fifteen minutes into the hunt I was accosted by one of the posse who who had just seen, or thought he had just seen, a wanted felon, somebody whose picture had been featured in Macon’s Daily newspaper.
Should I call 911? He asked. I thought so and told him that. Then began the kind of runaround that does not create major league confidence in the ability of our understaffed police force to respond to emergencies.
It took several cell phone attempts to get through to a 911 operator. When the nature of the call (which is very different from the call of nature) was determined, my friend was given another number to try by the 911 operator. Which he did. No answer. Couldn’t get through several times.
We then split, continued the search for another forty or so minutes before meeting at an agreed upon location. My buddy had finally gotten through to the authorities. But it took several calls to the second number, which then referred him to a number in the sheriff’s department, which, in turn, instructed him to call the second number (again).
Don’t know if they arrested anybody. And they wonder why some of us keep handguns around the house.
IT IS EASY TO SEE WHY The American people don’t trust the stock market as a safe haven for their retirement money. First, the market is behaving like a yo-yo, up and down, up and down, since the start of the year. Uninformed potential investors are just plain scared. Second, Joe Six Pack has heard sordid tales of CEOs and captains of industry heading for the federal slammer because they have bilked their customers, their workers, their fellow rapacious execs out of billions. All of these things are jumbled together in the average mind, and the President has not done enough to explain the obvious advantages of private accounts in the Social Security system.
Even brokers are nervous. In they old days they simply opened a window and jumped from the thirty-fifth floor. In today’s windowless brokerage house, they more often off themselves with excessive booze, drugs or bad sex.
SATURDAY….TWO DAYS FROM NOW: Join us at the PAN-AFRICAN Festival, a family day in Central City Park complete with live music and dance on two stages. Things get cranking up before noon, following a parade on Cherry Street at 10:00. It is one of the best cultural events of the year. Lots to do for every member of the family. I will be there with my ancient Nikon camera looking for YOU.
Ciao,
Luke
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Wed Apr 27, 2005
MMMMMMMMM.....TASTEY WATER
FIRST THE GOOD NEWS: Hurrah for us. An article in Macon’s daily informs us that Bibb County’s water is the best tasting in our district.
Our water comes from the Ocmulgee River. It’s treated, of course, before being sent out to the parched users out in the county.
Scientists tell us that the treated river water is safe to drink. Other scientists warn us not to eat fish taken from the Ocmulgee more than once a week. Something called Mercury, which is not only an ancient Greek god.
It doesn’t look as if anybody is actually drinking Bibb’s water anyway, based on the sales of bottled H2O which seem to be moving off the grocery store shelves faster than beer. And more expensive, too, in some cases. Which means, I guess, some people are starting to imbibe beer simply because it’s safer than water.
What’s the main ingredient in beer?
NEW FLORIDA GUN LAW: Jeb Bush has just signed the new self-defense bill that let’s the individual defend himself using deadly force in a public place if threatened.
In Georgia, we can use such force if attacked in our homes, our vehicles, and our places of business.
In Massachusetts, home of Senator Edward ‘Rotundus’ Kennedy, if a person is being attacked, robbed, or otherwise threatened inside his own home, he must exit out another door if he has one before he can apply force. This is basically the same legislation Kennedy tried to cram down the throats of forty0-nine other states.
Kennedy's Oldsmobile has killed more people than all our guns put together.
Hit song from 1969: “Come on, Mary Jo, let’s go….”. I forget the rest
GEORGIA, AT A STROKE OF THE GOVERNOR'S PEN, NOW HAS AN OFFICIAL STATE AMPHIBIAN:. It's a green frog of some kind. That's great. Next session the General Assemply plans to give us an official worm. Makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.
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Tue Apr 26, 2005
VOTER I.D. and TELEGRAPH HEADLINES
VOTING and I.D. CARDS: Initially we opposed required picture I.D.’s for people exercising their right to vote. Then we looked at the issue again. If we are keep illegal aliens, the recently departed, minors, the unregistered, criminals, and others from stealing elections, some sort of STATE identification seems necessary. We remain, however, unalterably opposed to any kind of a NATIONAL I.D. card. It is easy to get a state issued card….your local (if crowded) license bureau will create one for you for a nominal fee. You will need proof-positive of who you are.
Why the NAACP (sadly, now a do-nothing, fossilized organization locally) and other ethnic groups oppose this attempt to make voting more secure is a mystery to us. It is most definitely not a step backward into the old Jim Crow Days. It simply makes sense to ensure the sanctity of the voting process.
The once proud and effective National Association… should, perhaps, devote its energies to enrolling new voters AND helping them find genuine identification cards.
WHY WE SHOULD NOT TRUST THE PRESS: There is an article on the first page of the LOCAL and STATE section of this morning’s MACON TELEGRAPH entitled “NEARING ITS DESTINATION”, by Jake Jacobs. It features a cockroach-eye-view of our Terminal Station, a map purporting to show something called the “Macon-Atlanta Intercity rail” with our fair city all alone at the bottom. A large-type quote screams, ‘“We’re very excited. The DOT is totally committed to the Atlanta-Macon rail project,” Bert Brantley, Georgia Department of Transportation Spokesman.’
Wow. Time rush out and purchase rail tickets to Atlanta, No more searching for a convenient place to park. The golden age of travel to the state capital has arrived. Or is just about to.
Or is it? Read on. The Telegraph’s copy people have lulled us into a false sense of security. The headline makes the city look great, poised on the cusp of another (?) successful transportation project. The truth is far from this pollyannish outlook.
If you read on, eschewing the overly optimistic, obfuscating rhetoric of Mayor C. Jack Ellis, and the good-old-boy everything will work out just fine views of Spokesman Brantley, direct rail service between us and them (Atlanta) is long years away.
For all its slap on the back, verbal support for project, it would seem that only ‘informal talks’ have thus far been held with communities this far south.
In Georgia, informal talks are frequently held at local watering spots and take place without benefit of note, recording secretary, or even a miniaturized tape machine. No sense in leaving a paper or electronic trail, is there? Wouldn’t want to have to commit to something before its time, would we. Monkey no-see, monkey no-do.
The article notes one stumbling block and that’s COST, for each community will be required to help subsidize what the project’s founders are sure will be a money losing proposition if left to ticket sales. Hmmmm. Hell, this town can’t afford to pay for much of anything, so fast it is rushing headlong into debt.
“Let’s buy golf carts, instead.”
Love the modern version of what was once called ‘private enterprise’, “Sure, Brothers, we’ll put up the money just as long as some government promises we won’t suffer an ass kicking.” Grants and outright subsidies are now called ‘incentives’.
In the last analysis even Jacob’s article tells us it will be years before rail service is implemented. The TELEGRAPH’S booster-club headline never truly represented what the writer actually stated.
Can’t titillate at a beery Bibb Boobs Bar, but it’s legit for the over-rated Fourth Estate
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Mon Apr 25, 2005
MONDAY....BACK TO THE OLD GRIND
MORE SPLOST
MORE SPLOST
Hope your weekend was as great as mine.
Had company, watched some softball, saved a garden from the evil chill of a belated winter that threatened to exterminates the tender buds and shoots of green things growing.
So much for global warming.
Spent a total of zero amount of time watching, listening to, or reading about a single item of news. Local. State. National. Across the globe. Not a word. Nary a thought or consideration.
Woke up to find that the Macon City Government is threatening to undermine the upcoming SPLOST vote. Don’t know if that’s a good idea.
Yours truly is changing his mind…just a little….about the whole SPLOST thing. My fear all along is that the Mayor or the City Council will somehow get their hands on it. Spend it for pet projects. So my current feelings now are these: vote F O R SPLOST only as long as the eighty-five million dollars scheduled to be returned cannot be can only be used for the specific purpose of reducing dept. That’s all. Nothing else. Nada. It must be an iron clad agreement.
If the city government cries ‘foul’ because it cannot get its greedy little hands on the dough, that is, in two words, tough shit. These clowns know only two methods of raising money….money for such useful items as golf carts for Bowdin Golf Courts. That is they raise taxes and they raise fees. These clowns, for the most part, do not seem to be able to think much beyond the end of their noses. How many of the fifteen are ‘worth it’ to the city? Maybe five or six. What do you think?
Speaking of Bowdin, what the hell is the city doing in the business of golf anyway? Time to sell off those acres….find a developer…find anybody will and able to purchase the whole thing, lock, stock, and bbl. While we are at it…sell the Centreplex and let a new owner hand out pink slips to bring that albatross into solvency.
City jobs are not the sacred cow that Ms Ponder and some of her associates seem to think they are.
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Sat Apr 23, 2005
PROTEST BURNING IN DOWNTOWN MACON
----------WEEKEND SPECIAL-----------
It wasn’t actually books, that were burned, it was newspapers. Any number of them. And their burning seems to have been a deliberate attempt to intimidate and/or protest opinion that has appeared of late in the pages of Macon’s most successful Gad-Fly, THE ELEVENTH HOUR.
The incident took place quite recently at two in the AM in downtown Macon, on lower Cherry Street, to be exact, in front of Colors, sandwiched in between Luigi’s and Club Synergy, across from The Macon Arts Alliance and Giambrone’s Cafe.
The entire affair was, we are told by reliable sources, witnessed and the firebug is a recognized individual.
The facts are sketchy. But, coinciding with the closing of the downtown bars, an character was observed setting fire to several copies of THE ELEVENTH HOUR, destroying a plastic barrel in the process. There was an immediate and extreme threat to local businesses and buildings. The staff of Club Synergy eventually put the blaze out with fire extinguishers. Apparently there was neither police nor fire department presence at any time.
“Fat, dumb, and stupid is no way to get through life, Son.” (Dean Wormer, Animal House.
More...
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Fri Apr 22, 2005
GIVING THE LADY A FINGER
THE FINGER LADY ARRESTED: It was only a matter of time, I suppose, but the litigious lady from the left coast, Ayala, by name has been arrested no details available at this time.
Last month Ms Ayala claimed to have found a finger tip in a bowl of chili she had ordered from a Wendy’s restaurant in San Jose, CA. It was an unpleasant sensation, so the good woman and her lawyer filed a complaint in preparation for a megabucks lawsuit against the corporate heirs of gentlemanly Dave Thomas and his little daughter Wendy.
A quick check of the shift employees showed that each of them possessed a full set of digits. The search widened to the distant food processors that provides chili ingredients to the restaurant chain. Nothing…no missing fingers….no clue as to how the single digit entered the final product.
It was suggested by somebody on the internet that Ms Ayala might have (shudder) inserted the member in the food herself. Perhaps (can you believe it?) to drum up a law suit. Perhaps the authorities should do a background check on every funeral the lady attended, every wake, every grave side visitation.
It is unknown whether the finger segment has had its DNA checked against national and state databases.
And what about the fingerprint? Still intact? Still able to be read? If not, Wendy’s Chili may just prove the answer to prayers of generations of felons who have tried to find some way to remove the tell-tale whirls and whorls at the end of their fingers.
Anyway, Ms Ayala was just taken to the slammer. Don’t know about her lawyer.
WEEKEND SPECIAL: Tomorrow (Saturday) we have a special presentation on what is easily the most horrific, dastardly occurrence to take place on a downtown Macon street within our memory. It was not covered by the TV and Radio media, the lowly vaunted MACON TELEGRAPH carried not a word. There was a brief mention in one other publication.
Stay tuned for the entire story tomorrow. Right Here. Here in Luke’s Daily B’log. Dontcha move a gawd durned inch.
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Thu Apr 21, 2005
OF THUGS and SPLOST
HOW ‘BOUT THEM HAWKS??? Not much! Worst record in the NBA or the NFL or whatever applies. I don’t have much use for the NBA…its overpaid players, it’s headline grabbing goons, its spoiled brats. Of all our professional sports, Basketball seems most afflicted with a special kind of hooliganism that makes the jock appear impervious to the laws that govern the majority of us. It goes beyond mere celebrity. I wouldn’t walk across the street to see a pro basketball game.
IT’S SPLOST TIME AGAIN: The Bibb County Board of Supervisors is about to close the circle of legal steps needed to hold a special referendum on June 2ist.
Our fair city’s Gang of Fifteen, the City Council, is piqued that it has been allowed no input into the decision, and finds itself excluded from the process and languishing on the short end of projected revenue.
As it stands, most of the projected income will be used to pay off the Jail expansion, purchase several vehicles for what passes as ‘public transportation’ in these parts, and retire some school debt. Failure to pass the added one-cent sales tax will result in increased property assessment. Missing from the equation, big bucks for the city.
Anger! Angst!! Ache!! Ague!!! Hand wringing at yesterday’s Council Meeting. “We need more time,” wail the fifteen Sphinctocrats. We didn’t know…..
It would appear that our Councilors have been, of late, too busy to pay attention to what the County Commissioners have been doing all along. Busy doing what? Why fighting with the Mayor, of course. The rest of us knew exactly what the County was doing by paying a little attention to the media.
The ‘woe is us’ plaint is meaningless. All any one of the fifteen had to do was pick up a phone and have a little chat with any commissioner. Anita Ponder, as well-coifed titular head of Our Gang, bears most of the responsibility for this disgraceful lack of communication.
Weep on. Let tears flow, suck it up!!!
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Wed Apr 20, 2005
SPHINCTOCRACY
IT'S EVERYWHERE YOU WANT TO BE
and
SHARON PATTERSON MUST GO
IT'S EVERYWHERE YOU WANT TO BE
and
SHARON PATTERSON MUST GO
Yours truly went through a bit of mental gymnastics strolling along Summit Avenue, the other day. Summit is one of the streets comprising our ‘Hood, and the location of one of the neatest real, genuine ‘haunted houses’ anywhere in the state.
Anyway, my mind was deep in thought trying to come up with ‘le mot just’, the precise word to describe our city government here in a Macon swathed in her glowing, radioactive mantle of springtime pollen. ‘Democracy’ didn’t seem to fit, nor did ‘Republic’. ‘Strong Mayor’ smacked of armpit; ‘Weak Mayor’ indicated a backdoor power shift to the Gang of Fifteen.
What to think? Then it hit me. Hard. Take two Greek roots: ‘cracy’ meaning ‘rule by’ and ‘sphincto’, ‘constriction’, applied most commonly to the muscle at the bottom-most end of the large intestine, put them together and you have SPHINCTOCRACY, rule by, by, what else, a-holes, of course. A check of several dictionaries and a quick Google search showed the word never heretofore existed. YES!!
We offer ‘Sphinctocracy’ to our readers, indeed, to the readers throughout the world. It is a simple term, easily understood, describing inadequate, stupidly run government anywhere at any time. And ‘Sphinctocrat’ is far more descriptive than the old fashioned ‘Democrat’ and ‘Republican’, or even their pejoratives ‘Dimwitocrat’ and ‘Repug’, so common on internet blogs. We can, of course, apply ‘Sphinctocracy’ to the gang that runs Atlanta, or the gaggle of goons that gouge us in Washington.
More...
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Tue Apr 19, 2005
TOUR de GEORGIA...REDUX
I know we mentioned it yesterday. But today is the BIG day for Macon. The Tour de Georgia bicycle riders will breeze through town at approximately 3:30 this afternoon, finishing up at the corner of Third and Cherry.
There was a double shooting on that same corner at 2:00 in the AM early Monday morning. Fortunately our sanitation department was able, with heroic effort, to clean the bloody mess up. So all is well in what many locals wrongly perceive as Gangsta World.
There will be enormous national coverage. Lance Armstrong, who just yesterday announced his decision to retire from the Tour de France after this year’s run, will be among the competitors. For those of you who live outside Macon, it will give you a chance to see our fair city garbed in all its ante bellum glory.
And, as an added inducement, ESPN viewers will most likely be treated to a preening performance by our own mayor, C. Jack Ellis. He got into the act last year and will no doubt find every opportunity to insinuate his large presence into the media mix.
Come on down, spend money. The downtown merchants need it. Make a day of it. Invite your friends, Have a party. Lots of beer and spirits. Shop….watch….eat….drink…bring the family. Take the kids out of school. It’s spring and they’re not learning a damn thing anyway. Traditionally Macon’s schools, under a kind of tacit agreement among educators and educated, lay off any serious work beginning on April Fool’s Day.
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Mon Apr 18, 2005
A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
1. 98% of all prosecutions resulting from student tips in MACON, GEORGIA leads to convictions. This statistic just released by FOX NEWS on THE BIG PICTURE with commentary by former judge Andrew Nepolitano.
Interesting. Thought that stuff was going on in Houston County, not in Bibb. It is the result of federal funding….a program called MAKE EVERY KID A NARC, or something like that, HOW TO RAISE A SUCCESSFUL SNITCH, maybe. We have mixed feelings on this. More, later.
2. KENNY B AND JAMI G gave us a superb one hour interview with GREG DOUGHERTY. It was a truly in-depth affair. In a nutshell, the Q & A hardened our initial evaluation: Dougherty was railroaded by the Superintendent, Sharon Patterson, probably at the instigation of one or more members of Macon’s Black Leadership. The whole thing is a disgrace. He should never have been fired in the first place. Currently, while refusing a contract laced with bureaucratic landmines, he holds the ethical upper hand. Sharon Patterson and her school board look like a bunch of saps, do-nothings willing to sacrifice a fine teacher for a little expediency in an imaginary race war.
Somewhere there exists a real snake. That’s the person, we assume black and female, who is pulling Patterson’s strings. Let this person come forward so that we can all get a glimpse of the face of sheer cowardice.
3. TOMORROW THE TOUR DE GEORGIA (that’s pronounced ‘de’ not ‘day’ for the good folks at channel thirteen, straight from the heart.) his downtown Macon. The leg’s finish line is the corner of Third and Cherry. It’s a good time to head down to the old city and support a sporting event complete with national and international media coverage. This city can use a dollop of positive coverage about now.
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Sun Apr 17, 2005
SUNDAY
Sunday. Most maconites are either in church or will attend later. Some have been there all day.
We don't mind, you understand, for freedom of religion is a fact of life in this country. As is freedom from religion.
Many on the religious right look back to the good old days of Puritan New England as being the high point of an ideal society. Of course there was the little nastiness about putting a few nasty old witches to death, but some things have to be sacrificed to have an ideal.
And that ideal? Well, to have everybody living in accordance what what are called 'biblical principles'. Now these principles are those chosen by the good folks on the conservative wing of the large ten that is Christianity. It goes beyond the ten suggestions, and is often more Old Testament than New. Just do it our way and you will have no trouble with the law and the church which are pretty much one and the same.
We can have all the freedom of speech we want, as long as it doesn't contradict established order.
So around here we don't go to church and believe in organized religion, particularly if it exists to serve the state, or is one and the same with the state, or if it supports fringe politicians like George Bush and Mayor Ellis.
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Fri Apr 15, 2005
WHEN THE KIDS ARE MORE MATURE THAN THE ADULTS
and the adulterers
We sent a spy into Central High School the other day. A spy armed with a small, concealed tape recorder.
His job....interview students, with their full knowledge, about the Dougherty mess.
He shall remain, of course, anonymous. What he did might violate some stupidly narrow bit of ‘zero tolerance’ regulation schools like to promote in this age of creeping double-speak. Wouldn’t want to get him in trouble. Zero Tol is, after all, an excuse to keep education's power elite from having to make decisions, from having to think, from having to deal with the human element in their ongoing efforts to promote the nebulous and the inane.
Let’s just say that he is a student attending Central and has more common sense that do the collective members of the Bibb County Board of Education.
He interviewed several kids. We reproduce one such below. The girl is Hadas Peles, one of the kids who called Kenny B and Jami G. early during this ongoing story. She also walked away this with a Golden Glob award in Social Studies earlier this week. She is an outstanding young person.
Unknown Spy: Hadas, what are your views on the Mr. D. situation?
Hadas: Well, I feel like it was not probably the best use of judgment from an adult. But it doesn’t merit the termination of nine years of hard work from a teacher who has inspired so many kids too follow a good direction toward their career and future. And he has an amazing philosophy inside the classroom.
Spy: Do you think it’s a big racist issue or (was it) a joke blown out of proportion?
Hadas: I think that it is a perfect example of the generation gap that currently exists at our school. I think that kids my age, being a senior in high school, I think kids my age are ready to move on, are ready to poke a little humor and there are very few people who are ready to make this a racist issue. They are ready to move on.
What does this tell us? Two things, really. First, the Central kids are pretty damn well grounded in reality; Second, they are already more mature in racial matters than the previous generation. You see, they have reached the conclusion, most of them, that race doesn't matter. It's what's inside a person that counts.
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Thu Apr 14, 2005
HE'LL TAKE THE HIGH ROAD
SHE'S ALREADY TAKEN THE LOW
SHE'S ALREADY TAKEN THE LOW
Greg Doherty, the suspended Central High School Teacher, has chosen to follow the dictates of his conscience rather than submit to the mincing, little, bureaucratic burden Superintendent Patterson attempted to place on him. He took the high road; she the low.
Of course you remember the story. Dougherty was suspended and told he would be fired, for wearing an exaggerated Afro Wig and smearing brown pigment upon his person then participating in a faculty-student basketball game.
Dougherty received a letter from Patterson a week ago, which said, in part: “….you showed a lack of respect to the student body, staff, and school community…by painting your body and dressing in mockery of the African American race….Your actions were disgraceful and a symbolism of racism, and they will not be tolerated by this school district.” She goes on to say that she is recommending ‘termination’, and that the teacher will soon receive a letter outlining his legal options.
The letter of termination never arrived. Instead the teacher was told that he would have his contract renewed for the year 2005-2006.
Victory? No. Not to Mr. Dougherty. There was a provision in the agreement which required the teacher’s staying away from the students in this year’s classes.
And these kids have but two weeks to get ready for state mandated finals. Substitute teachers simply cannot do the job. They are but babysitters, and most often poor ones at that.
So Dougherty has declined Ms. Patterson’s reconsidered offer and will, until the end of the school year, tutor his current students off campus, and will seek other employment next school year.
Who the leader? Who the led? Who the puppet, who the puppeteer? Who the educator? Who the spineless bureaucrat?
Sharon Patterson has caused the loss of one of the system’s best teachers. She did it a most disgraceful manner. After an initial over-reaction, a cave-in to imagined racial outrage, The Super’s ego prevents her from saying simply, “ was wrong.”
Bureaucrats seldom admit wrong and rarely take personal responsibility for their screw ups. Sharon Patterson is no exception.
We don’t, therefore expect her to resign. She must, for the good of the school system, be terminated. And soon.
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GOING!! GOING!! GONE
It's Bye-Bye for the MACON TRAX.
Apparently
Macon has tried hockey several times, now, beginning in the 1970's with the original WHOOPY. The Trax' fans were enthusiastic, supportive, and a heck of a lot of fun to see in action. The team's players seemed to like our fair city and were quite booster-like when it came to its promotion.
But the story of the TRAX is the story of minor league sports hereabouts. Teams come and do, spring up and die. Part of the problem lies in the single fact that many, if not most, area residents are afraid to come into what they perceive as the inner city for an evening.
Baseball season is upon us. The Braves are off to a pretty good start. Maconites have no problem driving their $100.00-per-fillup SUV's to A-Town to attend a match-up at the House that Ted built. But to come downtown to see a bunch of players, most young and at the beginning of their careers, some older, nearing the endof theirs, 'doing their thing' on genuine new cut grass, to drive five or ten miles to Central City Park amidst the old levees is too too much. Or not socially acceptable to the hidebound who tend to inhabit the northern quadrant of the county.
Sad
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Wed Apr 13, 2005
S P L O S T
Sounds like a dirty word, doesn’t it. “SPLOST” A special sales tax we vote upon ourselves. SPLOST a tax to fill a special need.
Bibb County’s Board of Directors seems to have pretty much decided to put the issue before the voters. Most likely on June 21, when many voters are out of town on vacation. There will be next week one more open session at which time the decision will be made. If the voters give assent to the SPLOST, beginning in October the consumer will once again face a six per-cent sales tax on his purchases.
Earmarked for the eighty-five million dollar bonanza expected from this extra penny are the New County Jail and the paying down of certain city and county debts. It is billed as savings for the property owner who currently bears an ever growing burden of the tax burden.
But, and this is truly a big butt, there is a catch. It’s contained in a simple little word. It is ‘trust’. We shall not endorse the SPLOST until the level of trust in our several taxing authorities rises considerably above the depths it now lies.
What are these authorities? The School Board, The City Government, The County Government, those three. To date both the city government and the school board have proven time and time again they are poor guardians of the public trust, especially when it comes to money.
So, good people, we urge you to vote NO on any new tax until your are confident that the Mayor’s Office, The City Council, The Board of Education, and the County Commissioners will use the money only for its intended purpose and will spend it prudently and honestly.
The way things are in city hall these days, it will be a long time before we have an real trust in these clowns.
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Tue Apr 12, 2005
SOME REALLY GOOD NEWS
Great News!!!! Some of you may remember that back in December I had an opportunity to make an investment. Usually, most of the money made from my part time dishwasher/cook/bar-back job at DOS COJONES goes into the bank. Tip money is party money. I am saving to buy a used car or pick-up truck. In this family a kid at sixteen or even twenty doesn’t get a car handed to him. He has to 'earn it'. That’s how reactionary my Old Man is, you betcha.
A very nice lady, Ms Anita Downlow, if I recall the name correctly, from Nigeria wrote explaining that her husband, the former interior minister had been savagely murdered by unknown political enemies. Prior to his unfortunate demise, he, in anticipation the turmoil, had managed to stash away in a safe place more than two hundred million dollars worth of the local currency.
To protect this national treasure, Ms Downlow had decided that the safest place for the funds was in an American Bank. All I would have to do for my part would be to set up an account right here in Macon in the name of THE UNITED NIGERIAN FREEDOM FUND and send her the account and access numbers to enable her to make her own deposit. In that account I was to place two thousand dollars (American) and wait for the transfer. After that I would receive a cashier’s check for a hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Sweet deal? I'll say!!!
Thought about it, and established the account at the bank where my own meager funds are kept. Transferred my only two thou and waited.
It was strange, your humble Luke is still waiting. The funds are yet to be deposited and the two thousand has been used to cover, she says, necessary expenses.
I am not worried, Ms Downlow said the transfer might take some months and patience is a virtue. I have big plans for the dough when I get it.
Well, just this morning another email arrived. This one from a Mr. Wang Chu from Mainland China who has a similar problem. He wants to get 410,000,000 dollars (American) safely out of China. I guess he had heard how good I was in helping poor Ms Downlow.
Anyway, this time Mr. Chu and his associates will pay me fully five hundred thousand dollars just for setting up a little bank account. And it’s completely legal once the money leaves the Chinese mainland.
I thought: since Wal Mart spends billions of dollars buying clothing and sports equipment in China and selling it here, why not return a chunk of that money back to the United States where our politicians can use it for Americans. That’s patriotic, right?
So I did as Wang asked. This morning. Took the day off from classes, and set up another account with the dough saved since Christmas. Bought a bottle of good champagne which sits in the fridge. Think I made a great investment. Can’t wait to tell Pop when he gets home later today.
Ciao,
Luke
Luciusson@yahoo.com
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Mon Apr 11, 2005
OUR DEEPEST SYMPATHIES
We were shocked upon rising this morning to learn of the tragic death of Al Lucas during an arena football game. Our sympathies and heartfelt condolences go to his parents, David and Elaine, and the rest of the family. REQUIESCAT IN PACE.
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Sun Apr 10, 2005
FIRE BIBB'S SCHOOL SUPERINTENDENT
VOTE THE BOE OUT OF OFFICE NEXT Election
The ongoing saga of Greg Dougherty, once and former teacher, continues apace. Having reached the news wires, the story has appeared in newsprint far beyond the borders of the Peach State.
What may prove more embarrassing for Ms. Patterson and her Bibb County Board of Do Nothings is that the damn thing is all over the Blogosphere. Within thirty seconds of Google searching, yours truly found a dozen or more blogs that carried the outrage in large, screaming headlines. Sharon, the press does not seem to like your knee-jerk decision to terminate a gifted teacher.
Of course Hizzoner, Mayor Ellis, weighed and said that Mr. Dougherty should offer an apology to satisfy the ranks of the offended.
Greg tried that once, and wasn’t allowed to do so by fiat of some drooling snot of an administrator (his Principal, perhaps? I don’t know.) Stay out of this, Mr. Mayor, this situation does not require your particular version of the bacio della morte (kiss of death).
We are still watching this situation unfold. It is suspected that in the BOE offices this weekend there is much gnashing of teeth and backpedaling by Patterson and her craven cronies.
But the incident has helped clarify something in my mind, at least. (1) Sharon Patterson has outlived whatever usefulness she might have had as Superintendent of Schools; (2) The elected BOE is a gaggle of cowards who dare not speak up at times like these, times of moral crisis and genuine outrage. Instead, these figureheads continue to grovel claiming no responsibility in an incident Ms. Patterson initially blew out of the water in her narrow-minded, one-sided pandering to imagined Black outrage.
Good Old Bibb County Schools shrink one more notch away from quality in Education.
Patterson must go. We need to replace the entire Board of Education next election.
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Sat Apr 09, 2005
THE CHRISTIANS IS COMING
THE CHRISTIANS IS COMING:
THE CHRISTIANS IS COMING:
The Christian Coalition, That is.
You know, that trans sect, affable group dedicated to putting a good old moral face on everything society does. The latter day Puritans who would returns us to late nineteenth Massachusetts. “Hey, kids, let’s burn another witch!!” “OK….OK…we can say old Goody Lardbottom cast a spell on Farmer Chickenchoker’s cow.” “Right, and when we testify in court we can all say we saw her having sex with an itinerant tinker who was really the devil.” “Good let’s go see the magistrate, Yip Yow.”
TRANS SECT….you cretin, not trans sex as in transsexual. That kind of thing is found along the pathway of sin. The CC is concerned with the pathway to righteousness, which even they have trouble defining.
Sex must only be used for procreation, donchaknow? And none of this homosexual stuff. Remember Sodom and that other bad place, Los Vegas.
According to an article by Liz Fabian in Fridays TELEGRAPH, about one hundred souls met the other night at Tabernacle Baptist (what else?) Church way out on Zebulon to kick off the Coalition’s first meeting. A local chapter is being established to cover most of the Midstate. Among the speakers were Mac Collins, Herman Cain, and Spokesman Paul Rish.
And we supported Cain in last summer’s primary. There was talk about his moving to Macon and take over as mayor.
Fabian writes, “The Christian Coalition aims to unite and energize of faith to get involved in the political process to influence public policy and to defend Judaeo-Christian values.” This from a ‘message board’ displayed at the meeting.
“Big Brother is watching you”. “Beware the national identity card.” “Daddy, Daddy can I get a micro chip with global positioning so that the Department of National Security can track me 24/7.” “Did Americans have freedoms when you were a little boy, Daddy?” “What’s a freedom, anyway.” Waddya mean we used to have a Constitution??” “What’s a constitution.” “Will of the people is a dangerous thing.”
Isn’t hard to read between the lines, is it? Would that our Christian friends would go about the business of being ‘Christian’, ministering to the souls and bodies of their flocks, defending the poor, seeking peace, love, and brotherhood. All that good stuff that Jesus did before they nailed his ass to a twelve by four.
I distrust religious fundamentalism, no matter what the source. These critters are so taken up by the rightness of their belief that they want the rest of us to become one with them. They are all too often willing to spread their version of ‘the word’ by the sword, AK-47, or Abrams Tank.
There is hope that the Coalition’s cause is lost. They have been railing for years in the halls of congress, in several state capitals, and in backwaters like ours for years and still:
1. abortion remains legal
2. Homosexuality is still legal
3. worshipping other gods is still legal
4. Sex out of wedlock is still legal
5. pornography is still legal
6. Divorce is still legal
7. Coveting thy neighbors goods is still legal
8. working on the Sabbath is still legal
9. Terry Shiavo still died*
*list reprinted from http://politicalpuzzle.org, with the permission of the always eloquent Marty.
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Fri Apr 08, 2005
NEW FLORIDA GUN LAW
The Florida legislature has passed a historic, common sense bit of legislation that allows an individual, legally in possession of a firearm, to use it not merely in his home when threatened, but also out in public if there is a clear threat of danger.
"But it will turn Florida into the OK corral," quoth the unwashed, anti-gun liberal.
The hell it will. In five years crime will be down if only because the craven cowardly and larcenous among us are less likely to threaten life and property if they think they might face a civilian packing enough power to deprive them of their life or their balls.
Our hat is off to the guy who put a serious hurting on one of the slimeballs robbing Big Daddy's liquor store a couple of days ago.
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Thu Apr 07, 2005
SHOW US SOME COJONES
BOARD OF EDUCATION
The apparent dismissal of Greg Dougherty, a popular economics/’social studies has become quite something of a cause celebre in the Midstate, and will likely expose the Bibb County Board of Education to ridicule in the national, perhaps the international, media.
The apparent facts as we now have them, two days into a still-breaking story, are as follows: Greg Dougherty is a popular social studies teacher, who has served with distinction in the trenches of Central High School for nearly nine years. Mr. Dougherty and a student took part in a half time show at a recent half time show at a school basketball game. Nothing strange here, except that the two each wore an exaggerated ‘Afro-American’ wig and had smeared some kind of brown stain on their arms and face. Clearly their performance was a kind of gentle spoof of the current state of the game of basketball, which is dominated on all levels (excepting, of course, north Macon’s private schools where black students are as scarce as hen’s teeth) by Americans of African Ancestry.
At a race relations seminar recently held at the Douglass (double ess) Theatre, it was brought up that the Teacher had acted as was described above. A complaint was taken from hence to School Superintendent Sharon Patterson who ‘investigated’ the allegations and decided (alone or in collusion with others) to terminate Mr. Dougherty and gave him ten days to respond.
The teacher has decided to fight.
From here, and admittedly we do not yet have all the facts necessary to make a perfect judgment, it looks as if Sharon Patterson over-reacted, making a snap decision possibly due to pressure, real or imagined, from the Black community.
This smacks of caving-in on the part of the Superintendent and makes us wonder if she is fit for her job if she is willing to sacrifice an excellent teacher at the first hint of racial controversy. We question also the role of Dougherty’s principal and wonder whether she stood for her teacher.
Time might tell, but the BOE is Ostrich-like, hiding its head in the sand.
Let us never forget that Bibb County schools, on the average, rank near the bottom of all the systems in the Peach State AND, Georgia, by all accounts, lies near the bottom of the fifty individual states.
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Wed Apr 06, 2005
LIGHT HORS D’OEUVRES
and just
A TOUCH OF NOSTALGIA
from the pages of THE ELEVENTH HOUR
and just
A TOUCH OF NOSTALGIA
I really would like to reprint here the responses of those who wrote in and answered what was a purely rhetorical question, “How many grand juries does it take to screw in a light bulb?”
Sorry your answers were so obscene that we cannot use them in a quasi family environment.
AND THIS IS IMPORTANT: One of the frustrations of writing a bi-weekly column is that in the fast-moving ebb and flow of Macon’s political scene anything penned a few days prior to publication tends to be old and stale when finally in print. Deadlines are and must be a fact of life.
To rectify this situation, and to offer the readers of THE ELEVENTH HOUR greater access to more cutting edge political news laced with gut stabbing irony and satire, we have enlisted the help of THE INTERNET and are now dedicating ourselves and our somewhat sullied honor to fill in the gaps. All you gentle (and faithful, thank you) readers have to do is to access http://www.gospelaccordingtoluke.com/gl/weblog.php which is now a daily BLOG and read the current entry, found immediately after ‘Picture Of The Day’. Scrolling down will take you backwards in time, day by day, until the last syllable of recorded whatever.
Linking the Blog to this column, should provide extra dynamic and insight for readers as the sorry saga of Macon’s financial and political woes unfold. You are welcome to add your own $.02 to the Blog articles; no obscenity or slander, of course.
OB-SEEN: First Friday was an under-attended winner last week. Many stayed away due to threatening weather. Our party began with a trek to the epicenter of Macon’s burgeoning, downtown culture, Cotton Avenue, where our first stop took us into the brand, spanking new offices of THE ELEVENTH HOUR, celebrating its second year as a thorn in the ass of the local establishment. Amid a generous and well-chosen selection of wines and light hors d’oeuvres editor and publisher Brad Evans held forth, convulsing the crowds of well-wishers with colorful stories from the exciting world of newsprint. Among the many celebrities on hand were City Council President ANITA PONDER, DEBORAH MOONEY, MERRIE BACON, JESSICA WALDEN-GRINER, and entertainment guru BILL “WOODIE” WOODS. Featured at this gathering was a wonderfully tasteful display of paintings by Macon’s most talented young artist, Eric Wakefield.
More...
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TEACHER FIRED
Another example of PC Run Wild???
Another example of PC Run Wild???
According to Jake Jacobs of the MACON TELEGRAPH, a popular, effective, hard working Central High School teacher, Greg Dougherty, is about to be fired because he played in a student-faculty basketball game wearing an Afro Wig and staining his arms a shade of brown.
He is currently on suspension; allegedly the Bibb County Board of Education is investigating the incident. Dougherty has ten days to reply to the accusation.
On the surface, even in the racially-charged atmosphere of our local schools, the sentence seems harsh. On the one hand we spend millions of dollars on Michael Jackson paraphernalia cheering as he altered both appearance and skin tone, appearing ever more white year after year.
On the other (hand) we have the almighty forces of political correctness and hyper sensitivity, which have added an eleventh commandment that transcends the original ten, THOU SHALT NOT OFFEND.
There is an exception. It is OK to offend white males. They, after all, are fair game for everybody including white females.
We do not know enough about this single incident to make a fair judgment at this time. We have, however, a sneaking suspicion that Ms Sharon Patterson and the BOE have exhibited in the past enough example of ‘craven cave-in’ that Dougherty’s termination may have been done in haste, or under pressure, or in an effort to head off possible unpleaasantness in the Black Community.
Those who know me, know that I am no racist. I bill myself as ‘an equal opportunity bigot’, whose satire cuts in all directions. That means that there are times when Black Individuals (e.g. Jesse Jackson, Koffi Annan, Barbara Boxer, the local NAACP to name just a few) get skewered for their actions, attitudes, and stupidity….just like the white folks who are objects of similar jibes and jabs. Satire is a great equalizer.
According to the paper, the specific charge levied against the teacher is something called ‘mimicking an African-American’. This has got to be one of the most moronic phrases Ms Patterson or her cohorts ever came up with. “Mimicking an African-American”. How About ‘mimicking an Arab fundamentalist flying an airliner into the twin towers’; or ‘mimicking a Kamikaze pilot at Leyte Gulf’; or ‘mimicking a red neck’?
What? Sorry, I forgot…expressions like ‘redneck’ and ‘trailer trash’ are ok, those folks are white and, therefore, fair game.
It is no wonder that Bibb County has trouble keeping good teachers. If this single incident is going to cost a fine classroom exemplar his job, while all through the system sit doing little or nothing are hundreds of sub-standard teachers.
We need more information, of course, but right now it appears on the surface that the local Board of Education has once again caved in to the overwhelming forces of political correctness.
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Tue Apr 05, 2005
OH YOU MEAN THAT SMELL!!!
Gas. Methane gas, specifically.
It’s escaping from the landfills down at the municipal dump.
It’s escaping in record volume…leaking into the air….befouling our community with a smell just like, er, uh, similar to, ah, um the common, garden variety fart.
Except on a grand scale.
And because we live in the land of the EPA, the city has been told to get its methane under control, ‘sit on it’, screams Washington, control the sphincter landfill.
If we don’t big brother will fine the city every day until the situatu=ion is remedied.
Hell, we can’t even control the several sphincters in City Hall, where the methane flows free, polluting the entire community, but without the threat of fines since politician’s bodily functions are not under the control of the EPA.
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Mon Apr 04, 2005
ALGORE IN THE NEWS.....AGAIN
Remember Al Gore? You know, the fellow who invented the internet, the guy who promised over and over ‘I will fight for you’ during the 2000 Presidential campaign, he who would put your Social Security ‘donatives’ in a lock-box so that nobody but politicians could get their hands on it to spend on pork?
Al (also known as Algore) is back he in in at the inception of launching a TV network aimed exclusively at the 18-34 year old set. It’s latest name is ‘Current’, Mr. Gore’s title is Chairman of the Board (bored?) and you can learn all about it here: http://www.current.tv if you wish.
How many of us remember that Gore has a Macon connection? Back in 2000, he came to our little old city and spoke at the Douglass Theatre. The event was scheduled to last an hour, but the mood of the audience and that of the Veep extended the good times by another hour.
The Bibb County Democratic Party worked overtime emptying retirement homes to fill the seats with older voters, those drawing social security. We wrote about the great event then. Click on: http://expage.com/luciusson124
Gore was a terrible candidate, as bad as was Kerry four years later. If the party of the Mythic Jackass continues to run these dull, pwersonality-challenged, lifeless wooden indians in their national campaigns, they will continue to lose.
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Sun Apr 03, 2005
This started a week ago. We are making a serious and sincere effort to tie this daily B’log into my column in THE ELEVENTH HOUR.
The reason is simple. T.E.H. is a bi-weekly paper whose thrust is centered on the wild world of Central Georgia. Things are moving so fast in the cesspool that is Macon’s current political scene that something more is needed to enable us to keep a measure of continuity.
Ergo we shall now endeavor blend B’log with regular Column in THE ELEVENTH HOUR, and add material from our online essays. All pertinent links are found at the end of this entry.
In general, we anticipate T.E.H. to reflect events and follies from the Peach State; the B’log will combine material from both Georgia and the larger outside world; the online essays will continue to reflect anything whatsoever.
Every two weeks the ELEVENTH HOUR article will be reprinted on the B’LOG and an announcement will go forth to members of our cherubic mailing list.
Please note the following:
Luke’s EMAIL: Luciusson@yahoo.com
Table of Contents to Online Writings: http://members.aol.com/luciusson/contents.html
B’log: http://www.gospelaccordingtoluke.com/gl/weblog.php
Eleventh Hour Website: http://www.11th-hour.net
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THERE AIN’T ROOM ENOUGH IN THIS HERE TOWN
THE MACON TELEGRAPH tried to stick it to us Saturday in a brief article dated April 2, 2005. The title brought in a dozen calls even before I looked at the paper. (BTW ‘looked at’ is operative term here). It read, “The Gospel Truth According To Ellis.”
Sorry, this little town is too small for two GOSPELS. And besides, I was here first. Maybe Hizzoner can have his own corner of the Quoran or some other religious text like the Kama-sutra. Perhaps.
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Sat Apr 02, 2005
DEATH IN ITS MANY FORMS
Plurima Imago Mortis
Plurima Imago Mortis
It’s one of the greatest mass movements in the long history of all things morbid.
It happened overnight, quite literally overnight. It involved the transport of men and material in greater numbers and larger volume than an average troop deployment.
In one minute, at a single point in time, the fourth estate uprooted itself from the bedside of a just-deceased Terri Schiavo all the way to the Vatican to catch the final death rattle of the Pope.
Never before in history has such a sheer mass of me-too, moronic media shuttled from one location to another half way across the globe.
At least In Rome the toilets are indoors, the water fit to drink, and the air isn’t any worse than, say, San Francisco here in The States. The Eternal City is not exactly third world real estate.
The Pope is still alive as of this writing. Not doing well, of course, probably in his last few hours or days. He is not on life support, not really, only receiving pre-bagged nourishment through a tube in his nose. By all reports he is lucid, awake, and still at work on those things that Popes do.
Except, of course, since there is more secrecy in the Vatican than in Beijing or our State Department The Pope could have died days ago and we might not yet know it.
I guess we could call the new mission of the Fourth Estate “Deathwatch”. Viewing people die, dwelling on every intimate detail of some poor person’s final taking off is the new media mantra. And they attack it with all the skill, taste, and delicacy of your average ax murderer.
Death means ratings and advertising dollars.
To hell with the feelings of the deceased.
Or their families.
Where next? Oh, Virginia, maybe, catch a glimpse of the Reverend Jerry Fowell just before he discovers that heaven is a human invention, and hell is a kind of boogyman designed to keep superstitiuos children in line.
A boycott of the 24.7 news mavens might not be such a bad thing right about now.
These guys are currently mucking about in the land of sensationalist, mustard-yellow journalism.
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Fri Apr 01, 2005
MACON'S MAYOR ELLIS RESIGNS ABRUPTLY >
At a hastily called, pre-dawn, truncated news conference held at the Macon Regional Airport this morning, Macon’s controversial Mayor, C. Jack Ellis, announced that he is stepping down from his elective office after more than five years on the job.
“My resignation is effective immediately,” intoned Hizzoner, “I left complete instructions with Colonel William Saunders who will insure my popular agenda will reach a successful conclusion.
“I shall miss Macon, of course, but the work of the people must go on. By this time Monday I will be able to continue my efforts on behalf of several personal, charitable foundations from an undisclosed location in Sub-Sahara Africa, totally safe from extradition.
“It’s been fun,” the Mayor went on, “but frankly outwitting the City Council at every twist and turn is getting old. Those poor saps are so politically naïve they believe every pile of crap we send them. They never landed a glove on me. I have better things to do with the rest of my life than to deal with a gaggle of fifteen who share a single brain stem.”
Mr. Ellis then turned away from the sparse crowd and mounted the short flight of steps. He tossed the keys to his Lincoln at the Colonel, and seemed to blow a kiss at a full figured woman barely discernible in the shrouded Plexiglas of one of the plane’s starboard windows. Reaching the top of the ramp, he turned once again to face the dozen or so early risers, waved goodbye one last time and said, “Thank you, Macon. I don’t know when I enjoyed myself.”
He then passed through the cabin door which closed behind him. The plane rolled down the rain slick runway vanishing in the darkness.
Mr. Saunders then asked if there were any questions. There being none he declared the news conference over and announced that he could be reached at the JazzPlex this very evening.
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